We want our Fiona back!

GROSS

2008-07-09T21:55:01Z

ok this dude totally grosses me out

it is always like this...

2008-06-24T12:20:02Z

It turned out to be he even didn't like me.
i guess i have a good quality for being a friend lol
i wanna play marimba and jambe.
i wanna earn a lot of money.
i wanna learn smething new.
i wanna be a fashionable girl.

that is all what i wanna do for now.

Do you know exactly what is a relationship?

2008-05-22T14:02:15Z

So I'm 'friend' with the guy I was talking about in the last journal now.
Being with him was fun. He liked me I guess. But not the way how a man should be feeling like toward a woman.
He wanted me because I was good enough to be with and he could not accept it if I was somebody else's.
It's like, when you are hungry you find some fastfood store like Mcdonalds and you see people eating an ordinary burger.
You have enough money. and you are hungry. You think, 'Why don't I have one like he does when I can?'
Then you go into the store and pay 5 dollars for drink, potetos and a burger. You just pay 5 dollars to fill your stomach.
But when you want to eat at some five-star French restaurant, you gotta think about it twice.
I mean, I was an easy grab to fill his stomach for a while.

It's sad.
But I'm okay because i'm with a new guy now. (Think I'm quick shifter? yea, I'm trying to be positive.)
He understands English so I'm kinda afraid if he finds this journal lol oh well.
He is very caring and considerate. He never let me pay. He is fun to be with. He listens to me.
He takes proper distance with me.(you know, sometimes it can be annyoing when your guy stays around you to much.)
I love spending time with him.

my college life is getting tough, but as long as he is with me, i am okay.

being in relationship

2008-04-11T05:18:46Z

i hate it when i dont exactly know whether me and a guy is in a relationship or not.\

i called him to make it clear last night but he just said "we shouldnt be talking about this tonight. i got this huge gig tomorrow...i gotta get ready for that. "

i was like, "are you insane??? i mean, why did you give me all those sweeet words if you didnt love me???"
then he was like "i like you, but i never thought of dating with you."

jeez, he even said he loved you! what was all that!!!

my college life in tokyo

2008-04-07T14:50:56Z

I'm trying to get used to this chaotic city, Tokyo.
You see PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE and PEOPLE.
You see lights all around even at midnight.
This city never sleeps.

It's been a week ever since my college life has started.
It's been a hectic week, and it still will be.

I'm in love with a guy who plays the guitar in a band.
He's such a lovely man. I cannot resist him no matter what.
I love the words that he gives me and how he cares about me.
I love some of his songs, but i never tell cuz i don't want him to get snobbish lol
However, since we have such different life styles, we cannot really get time to see each other.
He lives 10 min away by bike from my house. But he got work and his band, I got school and all that.
I feel lonely when he has to go because of band meetings and such,
but I respect what he does so I don't really hate it.
It's a good type of loneliness.

mmm i donno what else to write.
but i guess my life is good.

Most wonderful thing happened to me, ever.

2007-12-06T12:33:50Z

I passed the entrance exam of Sophia University in Tokyo.
I cannot believe it. I mean, I thought I totally failed. I went home crying from Tokyo that day.
It's like, "Wow man, wow." .

To be able to concentrate is a talent

2007-11-17T15:26:24Z

"Being able to concentrate is a talent"

A famous quote(at least among my friends) by my history teacher.

I guess I do have an incentive to learn something. But I must admit that I am very easily distracted. By whatever, TV, my dog, people etc.

I study in kotatsu(a kind of desk which has a built-in heater underneath and is covered by blanket to keep lower part of the body) and I usually leave my school bags beside the kotatsu. Whenever I need something that is in bag, i only reach out my hand and unzip the bag, get it. Then I see my lovely intense pink-colored cell phone in the bag. Pale pink light is blinking, notifying me that I've got a mail. I start wondering who it is from, is it from a friend? bf? Perhaps it is from my mom telling me something urgent. And I open the cell as soon as I grab it. Although the email often end up being a spam, I cannot help disregarding the signal my cellphone sends me and forsake this habit.
Or that happens when I'm working on my paper, compiling information googling. Information I gain by googling basically can be devided into two groups; the information I need and which I don't. And the latter is so much more vaster. All those ads by the side of personal webpages are so annyoing, but they can be really luring, too.

I should be focusing on studying when exams for University is impending, like right now. And I really wish If I had the talent to concentrate.

Maybe I will, when I turn 20 or something. I really do hope so.

class is about to end!

2007-11-16T01:01:01Z

My University entrance exam happen to will concide with my school exams. Even if I pass the one for University, I won't be able to graduate this year getting 1 (equalized with F in America) due to bad marks in school tests studying only to aim the enrollment. Not graduating this yeat means not getting into University next spring. It's such an annyoing dilemma. i've never held back before, and I don't mean to good off, though it could happen if I am too neflient about what should be done.

I logged in just to put down realizations that I came to meet the past fews days.

When there's an American who has a talent, he tries his best to exhibit and show it.
They lavishly attempt others to see what he's got, what he can do, potentials he now has,w
hether it's somthing like a beauty that one inherited from folks or skill one gained with
a struggle.

When there's an Japanese who has a talent, he is likely not try to show it, or rather hide it.
He is too afraid of the people who talk behind him in jelous.
I often find someone I never thought could do things, actually can do things in occasions that he was forced to do them. There is a famous saying, "A talented falcon hide his talons", and Japanese society totally applies to this idiom.

It is because of the different qualities of two nations.

A lot of opportunities are given to Americans, as an individual or a small group of people.
Talent Show exsists to make kids learn it's important to show what they've got, and gain confidence in applause.
In Japan, we tend to have opportunities as a big groups, like a class consisted of 40 people.
We have music festival and sports festivals, although most of the games are played in big groups.
Oodama okuri, the sport we carry a huge ball with 300 people, represents it well.
We make most of harmony of a big group more than individuals.

Fxxx it!

2007-11-13T06:00:20Z

Oh gosh

Skipping a class with a group is so much trouble
when i do it alone, i don't have anything to worry bout cuz
i can say whatever like im sick and blah blah.
today i skipped a class for the first time in with a group of people...
when we came back, we saw the teacher turning the corner and
i couldnt help saying "jeez!" and he noticed our exsistance LOL
then he kind of followed us running into the opposite direction...
he said "go to your class now"
we were like "..." and kept running................

i have an exam coming up....and he could cancel it if he wants...

jesus i am so worried

i wish i didnt skip it today

dissatisfactory...

2007-11-10T12:02:47Z

Next Wednesday will be my 2 weeks with new bf. 2 weeks seems not long enough to know him profoundly.
However, I find myself disenchanted with the guy. He seems different from when we started dating. At first, he was so generous and sweet. But now I figured he got short temper and has a skeptic side. He's also scrimpy. He never feeds me. When he does, it's like a little tiny thing like a can of chuhai(kinda like a cocktail)or a cup of ice cream. We never go out for lunch or dinner. Once I told him "I'm starving! let's get something to eat!" then he said " Let's grab something at grocery store" I was discontented with what he said, but thought i need to compromise and said "ok." then i got some ready-made food and a desert. He got some snacks...then I had to pay for what i bought! my ex bf never let me pay for food. I pay for movies and stuff like that but expect men to pay for food...i was so disappointed. and he says "i think independent women are awesome". and he is encouraging me to be "an independent woman"...:( what the heck is that. he is so curious what i am viewing through my cellphone and he often doubts that i am texting with some other guy. i am not! once he tried to sneak on my cell! if he wants me to be an independent woman, he should not do things like that. what a conflicting idea he got...
i want him to be back what he was (or what seemed to be he was to me) before if he wants to take advantage of me.
people today pursuit too much in equality of men and women. i want men to protect, save, support women.
especially a girl like me should be able to be given certain support of bfs.
he is working, i cannot because of my school policy. he is 7 years older than me, i just turned 18.
he is working and still live with his parents=no house rent, food, electric or water bill to pay!
he should be able to save money to spent on his lovely gf.

i guess i could be happier with some other guy...i donno.

US and Japan

2007-11-06T15:42:48Z

Things I lay down here tend to be my-U.S- life-related. Well I guess this one is also gonna be the ones.

After I came back to japan, something that dazzled me was the fact the United States does have a huge influence on Japan. You'd say " You should have known that before." Well, I did, but I didn't.

Examples:

1. Freehug is getting popular in Japan.
2. The coat I bought in the U.S. last year being worried that it'd be not in-style this year, actually is "in-style" of this year in japan.
3. I started seeing a lot of self service gas stations after i came back.
4. Peach John=Victoria's Secret

I cannot come up more now but there are more. many many more.

Japanese people blame Korean and Chinese for imitating Japanese goods.
But we do, too! JAPAN IS COPYING AMERICA!

Oh c'mon people

2007-11-01T03:21:47Z

I don't know what irritates me so much, but today I am feeling superstressed like I had never been before!!!

Currently I am trying to apply for University which they start accepting documents from today. I was supposed to send them all today or yesterday, but somehow my papers which one of my teachers said "almost done" "well composed" was judged "completely flawfull" by another. So I have been trying to rewrite or add some details again.

Yesterday I went hanging out with my friends and later with my boyfriend...he said my papers were "pretty good" .

I woke up at 3 am this morning and finished my papers.

Then I headed to school and recieved pictures to put on the documents.
The old woman working at photo store said "it will be done by tomorrow, so come pick up tomorrow" yesterday
so I went there and she was like "AWWWWW hold on 5 min" then i actually waited for like 10 minutes.
She hasnt even cut the pics! she handed em to me and　I saw em me looking so weird.
my hair looked like partly dyed blonde(even though its not!), my smile was so artifically, and the hair she set was like "what the heck were you doing". geez. and even though i said "no backgrounds" she took my pics in front of gray background!!! .jeez.... this story doesnt end yet.....
and i headed to school, looking at my papers and confirming they were okay.
there were no people in my classroom, and i was alone.
then a teacher saw me and thought i was stealing some stufff since i was alone there doing something he couldnt make sure what i was doing! so he was like "HEY!!!!" and i was like "WHAT!!??"
i mean, geez, my emotions just exploded. o my.

and now i moved to the classroom where my classmates are.

I seriously hate my day today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stupitidity

2007-10-30T05:50:41Z

Some stupid people wrote curse words in English to insult a teacher.

I laughed not only because those words were all wrong,

but also because of their childish deeds.

I mean, can't you just leave her alone???

guys, know what?

2007-09-28T05:11:05Z

Just about a year ago, I was in Washington, trying to adopt myself to American life.

Now Im back in Japan, posting some shit while the class are watching dream girls.
Ive seen this movie in the states. i watched it alone in my room.
in my room id always lay upside down and shut the light down, turned off the volume of TV and
watched the subtitle in the midnight. it was kinda depressing.
in such nights i always remembered about my life in Japan.
then i called nori-kun all the time. somtimes i called yurika.
we talked like about for 4 hours or so.
i guess i wasted my 2000 bucks(not really, its my parents)on calling.
i remember the homecoming without a date. i remember halloween day i dressed like a 'prostitute'(according to somebody)
remembering those things just makes me feel depressed.

i only wanna look at my future.....................

fuck it

2007-08-30T02:53:49Z

back in japaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn

Yay

2007-03-20T05:27:21Z

Today I feel so happy. I'm so proud of myself. I'm doing what I've been attempting doing and had been failed. it's like "YES!"

Obviously, God hates me.

2007-03-15T05:27:03Z

So my crush likes some other girl, and Tolo is like next weekend.
I cannot ask out a guy knowing I'm 100% gonna fail. I am not that brave.
To him I'm some quiet Japanese exchange student in the next seat.
That's all. Nothing else. I'm not quiet, but to him, I might be.
He's been like prompt and purpose(yea, i say that) to go to school this semester.
I've been trying to keep myself neat for him. I tried to participate in the class
just because I didn't want him to think I'm some stupid person or burden.
Like 2 days ago I quit dressing myself and stuff anymore.
When I woke up, I couldn't keep my eyes open.
I didn't feel the excitement I used to have before going to school.
I quit fixing my makeups before the class I have with him.
And I don't try to catch his attention anymore.
I don't know what I was attracted to him. Once I knew he has someone else in his mind,
I'm totally disenchanted. I guess I didn't really like him.
But he's been such a good influence on me.

I'm not Christian or anything so I could say like "Buddha hates me" but I don't really believe in Buddha either
I don't think he manipulates all the things going on in this world. So I don't know what to say but...life is harsh.

lights in japan and america

2007-03-14T23:09:09Z

One of the interesting differences I've noticed is, the lights.
In Japan, most lights are fluorescent. Office and school, or even home.
But here, in the United States, I've never seen any fluorescent light at home.
School, yes. Maybe office,too. But never at home.
I asked some Americans "why don't you use fluorescent lights at home?"
Then they said, "They look ugly" "This is decoration."
I think incandescent lights are more pretty. But they are not cheap as fluorescent.
And I thought Americans were more like pragmatic.
So at this point I find it funny somewhat.

so my love is over

2007-03-10T02:21:32Z

today i overhheard the conversation the guy i like and his friend, and they were obviously talking about a girl he likes. i should have make a move eariler, or he has liked her even before i met him. he was like the only american guy i could talk kinda freely. damn, im so depressed. on monday i even dont wanna talk to him anymore cuz im like totally out of his sight.

yulika doesnt wanna take a bus tonight. i dont wanna take a bus either. we still wanna meet but we dont wanna take a bus.

so this weekend will be so boring.

damn it.

today's word

2007-03-09T06:24:52Z

reciprocal
feudalism
obligation
parliament
depose
exclusively
socioeconomic
advocacy
crumble
doctrine
dogma

Aww

2007-03-08T00:04:28Z

Everything's so difficult. Why can't I just ask him out? Like, by start saying " What are you doing this weekend?".
He talks to pretty much of everyone. im not special. So I gotta make him notice that I care about him.
Tomorrow, I might write a note to him. I wanna get to know him. I really do.

my fingers smell like maple syrup xD

2007-03-06T07:40:15Z

i've just finished my paper for history class. i was totally forgetting about the assigntment. i finished my english homework then playing on the net and talking to my classmate. he was talking about the homework and i was like "what are you talking about?" it is due tomorrow...damn it. i was gonna set my hair curly tonight but cuz of the homework, i didnt have time to do. maybe tomorrow. or some other time. i guess my friend should do that for me instead. cuz me suck.

i think i have a crush on an american guy(2nd time here!lol) and i guess i should ask him for tolo. it doesn't matter at all whether he likes me or not. cuz i just need a date to take to tolo. it's all about experience. in homecoming i asked a guy i thought i liked and then he said he was gonna go with some other girl. but then i almost got a date cuz some guy suggested me to go with him. but he got suspended right before the day. so this time things need to be perfect. i guess he's a pretty good boy so no worries about being suspended. i asked one of his friends whether he has a gf or not, then the guy said "im pretty sure he doesnt have one". but i've seen him with a girl alone sometime like down in the hallway or outside. one time he was even touching the girl's shoulder. but maybe its natural thing cuz american people touch each other a lot even though they are not in serious relationship or something.

i really wonder why he doesnt have a gf even though he's such a cutie. sometimes stupid thoughts come up to my mind..."is he gay?" i hope not so.

the first time i saw him, i thought he looked like a puppy. then now i think he still does, but in cuter way. i hope he likes me too. if not, i will make him like me :) maybe he knows i like him cuz im asking people like "do you know xxx?" all the time. then they are like "do you hang out with him a lot?" then im like "nope". so people are like "this japanese exchange student must like him". i dont care though :P

im gonna have a bread with maple syrup tomorrow morning cuz smell of my hand makes me so happy!!

cut-off!

2007-03-05T17:15:01Z

The coach even didn't tell me, that I got cut-off!!!
I heard it from a friend this morning. She got cut-off, too.
So I cannot participate in any sports while im in america ;(
I have to kill my time doin computers and stuff.
or talking on the phone...in japanese...inappropriate as an exchange student kind of thing...
this is so depressing. and this sucks so much.
i dont wanna have a life full of homework and facing computer til midnight!

the only thing im happy about is...today is so warm that i can wear a skirt :D
I LOVE wearning skirts xD

oh, there's one more thing.
I can wear boots whenever cuz I GOT CUT-OFF xD lol

tengo hambre....hambre.....hambre....hambre....hambre.................pasa el chocolate!

myspace is blocked, facebook is blocked, xanga is blocked and LJ's not! :D

2007-03-02T17:25:59Z

im in my 2nd period class! todays like a free period :D
i quit mixi so i cant get into that thing...

but

i have LJ <3

yurika called me yesterday and we were talking for like 30 min.
we meet almost every week.
we talk on the phone a couple times a week.
we like each other very much.
she even said "i cant live without you".

i think we just should be lesbians lol
we love each other too much.

life is ok.
i was totally depressed these 3 days
but call from yulika cheered me up a bit :D

damn it

2007-03-02T00:41:30Z

hi people

im in the US right now. whidbey island WA...
it's been like 6 months or so. time flies.
i quit mixi(i didnt delete an account cuz ima get it back when i go back to japan) and decided to write journal on somewhere else.
myspace sucks, facebook sucks. where should i go?
then i came back to this journal which i got like 2 years ago.

my life here totally SUCKS.
with the word "suck" i mean, it just totally DOES.
well, not totally exactly...
i think i made some friends who will be my friends for lifetime here...
japanese exchange student on this island is one of them.
well but otherwise, i dont really have anybody who i can call "friends".
i try to talk to people but they just dont like me.
that sucks.
i never really thouhgt of "making" friends cuz they were there when i realized. but this year ive been thinking how to "make" friends.
this is so depressing.

so LJ people, welcome this loser again and have fun

mana